i thought i was strong, i thought that i was cool. but then 15 minutes proved it all wrong.

I pretend that I'm glad you went away, these four walls closing more every day
I'm dying inside nd nobody knows it but me, Like a clown I put on a show the pain is real even if nobody knows i'm crying inside and nobody knows it but me

Why didn't I say the things I needed to say how could I let my angel get away now my world is just a tumblin' down i could see it so clearly but you're nowhere around

Aren't you somethin' to admire? 'Cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror And I can't help but notice You reflect in this heart of mine If you ever feel alone and The glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always Parallel on the other side

'cause I don't wanna lose you now I'm lookin' right at the other half of me The biggest scene that sat in my heart Is a space and now your home Show me how to fight for now And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy Comin' back into you once I figured it out You were right here all along

It's like you're my mirror My mirror staring back at me I couldn't get any bigger With anyone else beside of me And now it's clear as this promise That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror My mirror staring back at me

Aren't you somethin', an original Cause it doesn't seem merely a sample And I can't help but stare, 'cause I see truth somewhere in your eyes I can't ever change without you You reflect me, I love that about you And if I could, I would look at us all the time

Now you're the inspiration for this precious song And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone And I can't wait wait wait wait wait to get you home Just to let you know, you are

"this is yourchance at happiness you think you shouldn't want it cause you've never had it and it scares you but you deserve your own fairy tale cause i think we like to complicated things tho I can’t deny that our path has been complicated, but in the end love makes everything simple."

I was a coward for always running away. But everywhere I went, you caught up with me. So I had to come backfind what it is that makes you happy and you're set promise. May 1 2009 

never never bite more than you can chew and gonna get real, love the skin i'm in
a winner never quits, quitters never wim this time that she is built to face anything
This time she's gonna live to work, she's not working to live
they say just because you say it's true, it don't mean it is
She says it seems too good to be true, well then it probably is
This time he's hell bent yeah he's heaven bound
This time she's gonna pick herself up no more breaking down
He says he's gonna turn the wheel, turn this shit around
She says if he's looking for love then she don't want to be found

truth is i'm afraid. just help

i miss them i miss my home so badly it's not about the distance it's not about complaining and whining...how i hate when ppl said "it's just about 2 hours van " hell dafak you guys don't understand. , What i'm doing now in my life requires a big comitment. Sometimes being adult and having responsibility you gonna through this kind of crisis time. How really the presence of family is very crucial for me. and i know mam pap ngie teh. we always pray for each other everytime everywhere.. i hope that Our Mighty God always taking care each of us. take my words i will make you proud. i will make you happy. hope to see you as soon as possible. wish us luck. - full of love from cikeruh.... nia sayang suprapto's :)

How do you define sacrifice? What's your sacrifice? What are really going to do to get where you want to go?

Time

why time? why?

you used your patience to still fine

"I stopped when I knew that you could really get hurt, but you didn't. You crossed the line and kept going"

So Yeah as i opened my eyes This morning is officially the end of semester 3 and it means..... Holidaaaay! But Weird i feel something like being so emotional,painly like your whole body chrashed by something BIG BIG BIG... And you feel like giant bang ur head punch u right on your face.... crap. (Of course it's also my first day of period)
then i saw timeline many of my highschool friends post on twitter and path about "bukit duri banjir" :(.... The height of water is covering 1st flooor!
remembering years ago i feel that feeling hahaha happy feeling when you know you gonna have ur day off. If u school covered by water.... but know i feel terrible sad. I've spent the best three years in my live there. place i built my hope dreams future...i miss it. times when i don't have any idea that i will through this kind of life..

i miss it i miss it, the people the routines everything every single of it! even the bitter one. i wish i could turn back to that time... gonna do what i should do or shouldn't do taking chances that i didn't take.. and more appriciate it, doesn't mean i dont like this kind of life and regretting things i did at the past.. more than that i feel really gratefully of my life right now.

:) yes it's because of you bukit duri SMAN 8.. Thank you for letting me knows you and be the part of you and ur family believe it or not until today my life still connected with you, still and will always be a major lmpact of my Journey.. And i will always #prayforbukitbduri. See u when i see you ;)

It's true when they "Opportunity doesn't knock twice." I wish i knew before that it's you and always been you. I wish i knew from the beginning it's you and always been you.. I wish i knew before how to love my self and be happy

I wish you know that you were the one who finally ease those pains heal those wounds i wish you know you were the one who changed the way i see what life is about,I wish you know that it hurts so much to keep this feeling, regret and blame my self realizing i made the wrong choice.I wish you know how painful i am because of it. i wish you know it is exhausting to read ur mind.I wish you know that you are the one who devestating and makes me feel i'm human. Vurnarable. I wish you know you are the reason i quit and done hurting people. I wish you know that it's you that i mean not them not him and not anyone. I wish you know.. I wish.

If i had a chance do what i didn't do. I will choose me. To be happy and it will be you the reason of it.

Now it's too late. The path is already the way it is supposed to be. I lost that opportunity to be happy. And you never know the truth is you.

End of the year

So here we are, the last day of twenty o twelve. Many things happens. And can't be written. Happy and sad, they say there's a thin line between happiness and sadness. Is that true?

2012, teach me a lot of things, about responsibility of growing up. And in 2012 i know that life will always happens with it transitions. As You have to adapt, be brave and fight,Be Fearless

Though i found that it's not as easy as i said to be fearless. And having much hard time, and pain when i have to fear it. Surrounded by the thought that i will end up losing alone in this battle Haunt me. well those things makes me grow stronger. Time heals and fix everything..beside because of it i know now who i am and what im capable of... And learn to forgive my self.

Hem I'll remember every precious moment i got in this year. And i'm not regreting about bad things that i did. The mess i made or craziness and madness i've made.. i'm human and will always learning.. i'm just regretting for all the chances i didn't take. So here i am. I don't wanna miss every single of moment and chances again. I'm gonna keep movin until the next chapter. I'm not stopping. Remember i'm not stopping.

Goodbye 2012, thank you for all of those moments. That moments will always captured in my head mind heart

the time never match

when i finally realized i was wrong and this is a little to late.. i didn't say anything because i have no idea what to say,  you don't know how much it tortures for me. the time never be with us. but now i'm relieved.... yes what always happens 'life'

tired, the only word that described me. it's messy. 

Dear Mighty God just give me strength and will to keep moving on, for keeping my faith until these dreams finally achieved, ya Allah doing the right thing takes courage and strength. let me always be on the right track. Cause there are times when i stumble and i feel powerless. and questioning should i stop? when it is really impossible to stop?

Whether it’s taking each other for granted or people changing over time bottom line is, someone stops trying, and feelings aren’t as strong as before

"the worst thing you ever did, and the darkest thought you ever had i said i will stand by you through everything but i never thought the worst thing you ever do would be to me

"this a transition and it wont stop and it's normal it's ok and meant to be.

the welcoming november rain

There are a hundred things she has tried to chase away the things she won't remember and that she can't even let herself think about because that's when the birds scream and the worms crawl and somewhere in her mind it's always raining a slow and endless drizzle

Singing in the rain. I'm singing in the rain. And it's such a fucking glorious feeling, The richness of the rain made me feel safe and protected; I have always considered the rain to be healing blanket, well i heard The rain fluctuates between drizzle and torrential. It messes with my mind. It makes me think things will always be like this, never getting better, always letting me down right when i thought the worst was over. hey rain drop are not the ones who bring the clouds.....

Halfway home, the sky goes from dark gray to almost black and a loud thunder snap accompanies the first few raindrops that fall. Heavy, warm, big drops, they drench me in seconds, like an overturned bucket from the sky dumping just on my head. I reach my hands up and out, as if that can stop my getting wetter, and open my mouth, trying to swallow the downpour, till it finally hits me how funny it is, my trying to stop the rain.

This is so funny to me, I laugh and laugh, as loud and free as I want. Instead of hurrying to higher ground, I jump lower, down off the curb, splashing through the puddles, playing and laughing all the way home. In all my life till now, rain has meant staying inside and not being able to go out to play. 

Thoughts and ideas pour through my awareness. It feels to me that happiness is almost scary, like how I imagine being drunk might feel - real silly and not caring what anybody else says. Plus, that happy feeling always leaves so fast, and you know it's going to go before it even does. Sadness lasts longer, making it more familiar, and more comfortable. But maybe, I wonder, there's a way to find some happiness in the sadness. After all, it's like the rain, something you can't avoid.  now for the first time I realize that rain doesn't have to be bad. And what's more, I understand, sadness doesn't have to be bad, either. Come to think of it, I figure you need sadness, just as you need the rain. rain didn't make thing messy, people did that all on their own

And so, it seems to me, if you're caught in it, you might as well try to make the best of it.  Getting caught in the warm, wet deluge i dont know but all of those things that made no sense was a wonderful thing to have happen. It taught me to understand rain, not to dread it. 

There were going to be days, I knew, when it would pour without warning, days when I'd find myself without an umbrella. But my understanding would act as my all-purpose slicker and rubber boots. It was preparing me for stormy weather, arming me with the knowledge that no matter how hard it seemed, it couldn't rain forever. At some point, I knew, it would come to an end.

There are people in the world, who are just wrong, and then there are the masses of population that are right, or at the very least they lie in the veil of between. I on the other hand, do not belong to any group. I don’t exist. It’s not that I don’t have substance; I have a body like everyone else. I can feel the fire when it burns against my skin, the rain when it caresses my face and the breeze as it fingers my hair. I have all the senses that other people do. I am just...

watching tom and jerry's greatest chases. always makes me laugh till death.

Other times even things we never realized were traditions can become one. But the best kinds of traditions are the ones that bring people together. Even under the most unlikely of circumstances

That's the thing about destiny. Instead of too many choices, you suddenly have none. The Prince of Darkness finally sees the light, only to realize it's no longer an option. And the time for love has come and gone. The rest of us just have to keep moving forward. Accept the choice is out of your hands. It's up to the fates to decide.

smile

"Smile though your heart is aching,Smile even though it's breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky,  You'll get by, If you smile through your pain and sorrow, Smile though it may be tomorrow, You'll see the sun come shining through, for you,

Light up your face with glad ness Hide every trace of sadness,
Although a tear may be ever so near,That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile................................."

ternyata oh ternyata.............................satu kata: LAME. if you know what i mean.

why most people, misinterpret girls with numerous guy friends, what they don't see is that sometimes girl find a best in a guy. it's not always flirting. just friendship. no drama no betrayal no jealousy. guys are much entertaining and they are straight up. like ur brother and got your back instead stab u in it.

:')

so much in my head but seriously i'm so flattered. :)

you can count on me like 1 2 3 i'll be there and i know when i need you i can count on you like 4 3 2 you'll be there.

11.39

was not pretty sure, what's on my mind tonight, just feel like blog. well since as i know the "goddes of fortune not really being aroung me" lately these days  i'm starting to think think think and think. where's my luck has gone.
ah such a pain ass.

papa i know you're going to be upset. cause i was always ur little girl. but y should know by now i'm not a baby. you always taught me right or wrong. i need ur help daddy dad please be strong. i maybe young at heart. but i know what i'm saying.
the one you warn me all about. the one you said i could do without.. we're in awful mess. and i dont mean maybe.
papa don't preach "i'm in trouble deep" papa don't preach "i've been losing sleep".

i've tried my best. but sometimes things goes wrong. all i wanna do is make you a proud dad. what i got now. is it not good enough for you?. i know i can't make any excuses. but really i'm so thankful for what i've got right now. even i'm not really satisfied. and i'm willing to make it much better. why dad? harus setiap saat sempurna? when everybody said. "waw, good joob van". then why don't you? why?:

Student's Oral Case Analysis

day-1 for my 1st. SOCA well much calm down. than these last weeks. not really can't picture what's gonna happen tomorrow. what i know is i've tried prepare and i'm wishing all the best for tomorrow.
take a risk and make a chance.
bismillah gonna make one step closer to be your future great dentist mampapngieteh :)

sometimes it's hard where the only person you trust in this world is yourself. i'm afraid. oh yes Anis. probably i think she's the one who really know me like inside outside. she's my lie detector. around her. i can be what i want. safe. easily realesed my fear laugh crying as hard as i want telling what's really on my mind all the shit i did all the dirty things and everything . haha sounds lesbi. but true. you got me nis.

 i think she's know my secrets about 90% .and i know her too.hm  sifat  kita berdua beda. bidang pun beda. tapi lucu aja gitu she's like vanya's mind reader. dan yaudah gw juga bisa tau apa yang ada dipikiran dia. what she will be what i will be. dari jaman ngangkot sampe akhirnya naik mobil :"), jadi inget tahun lalu waktu jaman jahiliyah gw lo dita random serandomnya (emang selalu) nangis sambil ketawa ber-3 kaya tolol ampe gila ampe ngasal sampe gatau kemana sampe berasa kemang punya ber3 (wets labil) dan  akhirnya berakhir di shubuh hari dengan ilangnya hp gw untuk kesekian kalinya. sekarang dita di jerman, lo di jakarta, gw disini di kamar kosan gw. stress mau ujian. kangen lo nis kangen dita juga padahal kemarin kita jalan sampe pagi ya nis. tapi udah kangen lagi, kenapa lspr liburnya sama unpad beda. kenapa dita di jerman

dari sma sampe sekarang belum nemuin orang kaya lo nis, kaya dita juga. dit jaga diri ya di jerman :( gw ama anis cape ngomelin lo. lewat skype. lewat bbm, nis ditkangennnnnnn bgtbgtbgt. bentar lagi puasa. loh punya feeling tahun ini bakal drastis bgt bedanya. i love you both. terakir pelukan di airport nganterin dita. that was sad. dan sekarang gw nulis nangis. yaudah masih  banyak ini bahan ujiannya. mau bbm tapi mager mau ngetweet tapi labil hahaha. yaudah intinya sampai ketemu di BALI !!!!

summer

one of my favorite at the very first time i saw this movie. gw nonton film ini dulu sama mantan gw awal-awal bgt kita pacaran. first gw cuma bs bilang "ga ngerti". tapi gw suka bgt sama 3 scene ini karena anjrit buseeet ni cewe "tai" bgt. setelah gw nonton film ini. oke done. gw cuma mikir yailah film doang terlalu dramatis buat kejadian di kehidupan nyata just another romance film.

but i like this movie like bener-bener suka sorry being too much but i've watched this movie hmm more than 10 times kali ya. dan still "bagus sih, tapi yadalah romance film"

sampai akhirnya "what always happens. life" benar-benar kejadian di hidup gw. and i'm like waw. that's real. Liburan kemarin gw sempet ngumpul sama temen sma gw "dude's" dan kita ngomong dan ngobrolin beberapa film-film. finally sampe juga "500 days of summer". beberapa omongan mereka yang masi bisa gw inget "nyet gw paling ga ngerti dah sama 500 days of summer" "wah anjing seru kali flashback-flashback gitu" "kaga-kaga nyet bingung gw yang gw tau si zooey nya cantikbgt tailah ga ada obat" "ceweknya disitu anjing bgt tai bgt". "gw bingung dah knp ujung-ujungnya summer mau nikah?"

so this is my opinion. cause somehow this movie has been my influence.. chilllax sesungguhnya masi banyak  banyak banyak film lain yang nge-influens gue... *cewekfilm

"Tom goes to the bench at his favorite part of the city. He’s gazing down at some of the buildings when Summer calls out to him. She compliments his looks and knows he’s angry.  She tells him that she’s happy to see he’s doing ok. Tom confesses that he now realizes that all his ideas about love were wrong. Summer points out that it wasn’t. The girl who didn’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend was now someone’s wife. She tells him that with her husband, she knew what she was never sure of with Tom: that she was in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. And she tells Tom that if there’s no destiny, she might have easily never randomly met him in a coffee shop. She tells Tom he was right. Just not about her"


Tom blinded himself to the way Summer treated him and the lack of appreciation she had for him by focusing ONLY on the good times they shared and disregarding the poor way she treated him. In life, we are all guilty of the same attitude that Tom displayed. We meet someone that we think “fate” We build the person up in our minds to the point where we absolutely and undoubtedly know that we are made for each other! However, as many friends, family or outside sources can tell you, we have blinded ourselves from the real person. We don’t pay attention to the negative way this individual treats us, or the lack of interest this person takes in us. We ignore all their rudeness and mistreatment and assume that they are just having a bad day, but in fact we have built up someone in our mind who doesn’t appreciate us. We are, in a sense, chasing an illusion that we have created! I’m sure many people have been in relationships like this or had similar feelings about a particular individual. hahah cause i've been there It’s important to take a step back from the fairy tale you think you live in and get feedback from friends and family about the person that we put on a pedestal and treat like a prince/princess. It’s nearly impossible to make an accurate assessment of a person when such strong emotions are involved.
Summer mentioned how she could have been anywhere else in the world, but that coffeehouse. She could have arrived just a couple minutes later and she would have never met her fate, but it was because of “fate” that she ended up where she did when she did. We often find ourselves saying “man did I luck out” or lines of similar meaning. We see this in many areas of life, but none is quite as remarkable as finding yours . In order for two people to find each other there is an almost infinite amount of variables that must fall into place. The timing must work out, they must be in the same place, they must notice one another, they must somehow end up interacting with each other, the two people must be receptive to each others remarks, they must remain in touch, etc. The amount of timing and planning that must go on for two people to meet and ultimately get married leaves no doubt in my mind

Summer also mentioned that she got engaged and married so quickly because she woke up one morning and just “knew” what she never felt through the many months she was with Tom. I have personally heard numerous stories of how people ultimately find each other. People have met on a train, bus even on Facebook, school college, etc. But one thing is for sure, when you ultimately meet "fate"…you just know! You can be dating someone for several years and have a bitter break up and then begin dating someone else and within 2 months you can have a stronger bond with that person then with your previous boyfriend/girlfriend who you’ve been seeing for years

Conclusion: What was so powerful about 500 Days of Summer is how it accurately depicted ones’ quest for ones’ fate. Most movies have the same unrealistic/silly/obvious plot line: Guy meets girl, guy flirts with her, she turns him down, guy flirts some more, girl falls deeply in love with him, there are a few steamy smooching scenes, something threatens their relationship, they overcome this obstacle, they smooch some more, and BOOM… This is not reality, rather it’s silliness that we are taught to believe at a young age. No one falls in love that way! Most of us will meet quite a few people that we THINK are our fate. We build them up in our minds to be “The One” and the ONLY one we can ever love. Then we get our hearts broken. fukc

hahaha so much in my head, hosh-hosh. then for me. right now i just don't really feel like being in a relationship. and i dont have any phase any stage or anything. just let it flow not like that i'm traumatic. nope. that's wrong. 500 days of summer has explained. i just can't wait what life can surprised me. we're grown up. and i think i've grown up. :)

Burn another bridge, break another heart Try again, it will only fall apart