when the sun goes down

Father and The Bride Gossip Girl S05E12

2012-01-27T03:32:00.000-08:00

Beatrice : Can I ask you a question?

Blair: Anything.

Beatrice: Why are you marrying my brother when I know you're not in love with him?

Blair: I do love him,There might be some loves that seem... bigger than others or
more complicated or...harder to let go of but, there's a reason they're not meant to be.

Beatrice: You cannot choose who you love.

Blair: But you can choose how you love them. And there are some people you can only love by not being with them.

Serena: Chuck, you need to leave now.

Chuck: I don't know what it is you think I did tonight, but all I care about is her.

Serena: Blair's asleep, okay? And even if she wasn't, she-- she wouldn't wanna see you anyway.

Chuck: Tell her I came by... And that I'm not done. That's one thing I learned from Blair..........You don't give up on the people you love.

2012-01-25T01:36:00.000-08:00

i want to travel around the world alone and i want the first place to start it is Bali. poorly, my parents won't ever let their not too little and not too big daughter leave them. for going alone. why? i think is GOOD. meet the strangers see new things experience something. ok they think i'm insane. i need some me-space built some circles.

2012-01-24T04:26:00.000-08:00

kenapa hal yang terjadi di lingkungan sekitar gw hal yang terjadi gitu-gitu aja ya, kalo ga soal cinta-cintaan ya galau ya material ya tentang kuliah-kuliahan iyasih gw juga lagi masi dalam euphoria soal kuliah-kuliahan lingkungan baru dan gw jg termasuk orang yang berkutat dengan hal-hal itu, ya tapi tetep aja orang-orang disekitar gw yang gue liat ga jauh-jauh dari hal-hal diatas.. pengen deh ngelakuin sesuatu yang ga cuma gini-gini aja. pengen ngeliat sesuatu yang beda..gw pengen jadi something, kebanyakan orang ngeluh di twitter tentang hidup mereka..susah bgt sih ngomong "Alhamdulillah" lagi susah juga harusnya ngomong Alhamdullah i'm not naive. ok I'VE BEEN THERE, I'VE BEEN IN THEIR POSITION. dulu gw selalu ngeluh ngeluh skrg juga sih, tapi mudah2an dalam proses menuju orang yang lebih baik. AMIN tapi makin kesini gw makin ngeliat makin ngerasa kalo ternyata masi banyak orang yang lebih susah dari gw, dan masi banyak pula orang-orang di atas gw. yaps that's life.

emang sih manusiawi kesel iri ngeluh. gue juga ko masi belajar buat yang namanya bener-bener bersyukur,itu juga hak-hak lo semua nulis begituan di twitter dan media social lainnya.i wont bother ur bussiness neither, except you interfere mine. ya cuman pengen komentar ajasih. masih banyak orang diluar sana yang struggle buat makan buat dapat pendidikan, gw lebih simpatik sama orang-orang yang masih berjuang buat nyari duit daripada minta-minta.. apalagi yang minta gendong-gendong anak atau nyuruh anak kecil buat minta-minta. padahal lo dikasi anggota tubuh yang lengkap buat kerja. rasullullah juga bilang "tangan diatas lebih baik daripada tangan memberi".
gw ngomong gini, gw juga masi belum jadi manusia yang bener ko. gw masih suka hedon,masi ngandelin orangtua buat hidup, diatas langit masih ada langit. banyak bgt temen-temen gw atau orang yang gw taulah ya ekonominya diatas gw. tapi heran aja gitu kerjaanya ngeluh terus, nelantarin kuliah bilang ini-itu ga adil bilang "money can't buy happiness" padahal kebahagian itu kan diri kita sendiri, gimana pandangan kita sama hidup. gatau aja diluar sana masih ada orang yang lagi galau besok ngasi makan apa ke anaknya ke keluarganya,

hahaha ngomong2 soal galau gw juga masi suka galau ko. cuman gw gamau rasa galau itu ngalahin rasa bersyukur ke Allah.

galau akademik? marah-marah kenapa remed terus kenapa nilai jelek.?? yaudah deal with that cari tau apa yang salah.? do something instead whining. BELAJAR BELAJAR karena sesunguhnya manusia itu berkewajiban untuk belajar seumur hidup hukumnya di islam aja WAJIB berilmu, bagi yang sehat mental dan fisik

galau cinta? yaelah gw aja udah kebal udah ga peduli lagi, percaya aja lagi sama Allah.. semua orang ada jodohnya, intinya tuh ya cewek cowok sama aja. balik aja terus ke siklus yang sama,jangan terlalu terlarut dalam sedih. gw pernah ngalamin itu dan hasilnya cuman nyakitin diri sendiri dan berakhir pathetic. bangun hubungan yang bener dulu sama yang di Atas. kan hablumminnAllah hablumminannnas. dan inget jangan terlalu ngasi hati lo sama kepercayaan lo 100% sama orang kecuali sama keluarga inti, cause the truth is everyone will hurt you. no matter what. people grow,people learn and go. hidup itu meninggalkan dan ditinggalkan, itu hukum alam. sayangin keluarga lo bangun hubungan yang indah, bersyukur. eman sih ngomong gampang. tapi mau gimana coba? lo gabakal bisa maksain kehendak dan perasaan orang bagi yang cintanya bertepuk sebelah tangan, bagi yang diputusin bagi yang ditinggalin. mau gamau ya life's must go on. simpan sedih lo terus curhat sama Allah. karena Dia yang paling ngerti perasaan lo..gpp sih di twitter. tapi lo mau dikasihanin orang? gw pernah ngalamin itu dan hasilnya sampe skrg image "galau" masi di gw. sebel bgt rasanya dibilang gitu kesannya gw lemah bgt. kesannya gw galau all the time apa yang gw post di twitter selalu dikaitkan dengan GALAU CINTA GALAU MANTAN apalah itu padahal ga semua kaya gitu kan, tapi ga heran karena gw dulu orang yang seperti itu, orang yang memang terlihat seperti "ingin dikasihani" liat aja posting2 blog gw ini. dan gw gamau ngapus semua hal-hal yang terjadi di masa lalu gw. ini semua buat jadi pelajar buat jadi reminder gw. gw pernah jadi orang yang seperti itu dan gamau kaya gitu lagi Ya Allah gamau bgt ngalamin masa-masa kelam itu lagi. waktu itu seharian gw mikir bgt semikirnya "apa gw mau jadi orang yang terpuruk dalam harapan semu?" "apa gw gabakal berubah?" "apa gw bakal terus disini-sini aja" gw harus berubah gw harus maju! pelan-pelan. there's nothing you can do to forget your past the only way is just GET OVER IT. time will heal everything ko.

galau apalagi? tahan aja semua rasa galau itu Allah yang sedih Allah juga yang ngasih bahagia. dulu waktu hati gw disakitin sama orang yang bener-bener gw sayang, waktu gw masih bego. masih naif masih mikir semua orang baik waktu gw lagi bener-bener dibawah doa gw setiap hari pas shubuh sama isya sebelum tidur gitu tuh " Ya Allah engkau yang memberikan rasa sedih engkau pula yang memberikan rasa bahagia" tenang aja roda kehidupan berputar ko, kalo lo ngerasa dibawah terus. lo harus tetep bersyukur. Allah lebih tau mana yang lebih baik buat lo. ibaratnya kita tuh lebih kecil dibanding bakteri yang semikronano bah lebih kecil lagi ga ada apa2nya malahan. dibanding Sang Pencipta.
jadi tenang aja.. santai aja. pengadilan Allah lebih adil ko
semoga gw dan kita bersama bisa pelan-pelan bisa ngerasa "cukup" dimulai dengan kata "Alhamdulillah"

udah ya cape. semoga ada manfaatnya. tapi dengan tulisan gw diatas bukan berarti gw orang yang udah bener. gw juga masih belajar masih suka ngeluh juga ko :")

2012

2012-01-03T20:49:00.000-08:00

been so long not writing... pretty late but HAPPPPY NEWWW YEAR 2012 !! i dont know i'm just soooo excited hmm 2012 why people talk about doomsday?? no one knows exactly about that it's clearly written in alqur-an tau !! ga ada yang tau kecuali yang diatass !!but Allah please not this year.. i put so much hope in this year.. at least please let my parents see me become a doctor and have a happy family first..

2011 isn't really my year haha LOL.. but i make it through the first step to goal of my life "FKG UNPAD". wohooo HAMDALAH i think that's the present that God give to me in the end of year.. but stil this just only the beginning.. i have a long long journeyy !! though it was a gloomy year, but that year i learn everything i learn more people around me.. and how my family and friends always beside me. i've grown up. yes grown up. and i'm ready for the next battle fight.

Chasing Pavements

2011-10-24T05:16:00.000-07:00

i've made up my mind, Dont need to think it over if i'm wrong, i am right dont need to look further

this ain't lust.. i know this love but, if i tell the world i'll never say enough 'cause it was not said to you and that's exactly what i need to do.. if i end up with you

or should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements? even it leads nowhere or would it be waste even if i knew my place should i leave it there

i build myself up and fly around in circles waitin' as my heart drops and my back begin to tingle

finally, could this be..... it

2011-10-24T05:12:00.001-07:00

been so long....................................................i'm a medical student ;;) your future dentist

2011-07-19T18:08:00.000-07:00

yes, am i that strange to you? we haven't seen each other for longtimes and. now i know u soon gonna leave. ga ada artinya ya pacaran hampir 2 tahun. semua yang bagus2 ketutup sama yang ga enak-ga enak. take care ur self in there. jangan suka jajan2 ga sehat, jangan lupa makan sama olahraga, jangan ayam mulu !! kurangi emosi jangan terlalu emosi. jangan bandel2, jgn lupa surabaya kan panas suka pusing kan kalo kepanasan? pake topi ya. obat ayah lo yang mujarab jangan lupa dibawa. tetep harus rajin sholat puasa senin-kamis dan yang penting jangan lupa belajar yang rajin biar IP-nya bagus. makasih ya atas support lo selama hampir 2tahun finally kesampaian juga FKG meski engga di UI. makasih bgt. masih suka sedih kalo inget omongan2 khayalan2 kita dulu. semoga lo masih inget. dan selalu inget. i hope i will see u soon.

2011-07-17T06:19:00.000-07:00

SEE I MAKE IT MOM DAD SIST FRIENDS YOU GRANDMA AUNT UNCLE COUSIN

2011-07-15T03:54:00.000-07:00

in last two years we've been talk about our dreams your dream my dream.. remember oneday when i hold ur hands and said "we'll make it", i've been thinking a lot lot lot.. i give up on you is not that i want to. i just know that the fact u dont want this anymore. and i always thingking that maybe That day will come.. do you knoe whenever i go to some places i do thinking about u about us. what the place remind me of.. always pop-up in my head "do i really regret this?" for letting go my self from "complicated-realitionship", sometimes i feel so strong, i feel so much hate u for everything "wrong" that u done to me.all the lies. but everythings is back over and over again. i have to face the fact that i still love you. and it's not your fault or my fault it's our fault. we do hurt each other. im freaking insane rite.. i mean i do go crazy, like i always find a way to move on blocking u from my life. but everything is useless. do u know i'm hurting so much the fact you try to hook up with another girls, i went my self crazy dying to know but end up pathetic. how long that we've not been talk to each other we supposed to sharing our day. say sweet things. dont u ever miss it. the way u hold my hand touch my hair hug my body. kiss my lips. Our dreams that we shared together.. do u know that u're "the first".. well i got the answer... "we can't never force someone" but what can i do?

2011-07-09T05:43:00.000-07:00

the beatles- i will

2011-07-09T02:47:00.000-07:00

who knows how long i've loved you, you know i love you still.

will i wait a lonely lifetime,if you want me to.. i will

for if i ever saw you i didn't catch your name but it never really mattered

i will always feel the same

love you forever and forever love you with all my heart love you whenever we're together love you when we're apart

and when at last i find you,your song will fill the air, sing it loud so i can hear you

make it easy to be near you, for the things you do endear you to me

oh you know, i will

i will

2011-07-07T22:56:00.000-07:00

i'm afraid that someday D-day will come, the day that i getting used to without you... days with no remember-ing you. i dont want that day come. i will wait. until there's no reason left for me. more than 1000++ reasons. even u with someone else. just see. i'll be waiting for u

2011-07-06T00:58:00.000-07:00

i've lost my phone ! :'( aaaaaaaaaaaaa mau nangis 2tahun lebih tu hape nemenin gw hampir mau 3 tahun malah tahun ini. device memory-nya itu loh ya Allah pgn nangis, banyak foto ini itu yg cuma ada di device memory.. udah nangis deng ini.. great i lose it. i lose my university i failed and i lose you. yeah you :'( lengkap kap sudah semuanya ilang. ilang. the worst thing is that u dont reply my fcbok msg. damn i miss you. the one who always calmed me down. im freakin out.. foto :( foto yang cuma ada di situ bukti, bukti kalo dulu lo pernah sama gue. lo pernah sayang sama gue.... damn i lose it. like i lost u. and i cry like stu. :'( it's been 3 months and i cant get over it.

2011-07-06T00:48:00.000-07:00

Baby you'll soon forget about all,or maybe you'll miss it like i do.

one thing's for sure i'm on doibt, spend too much time thinkin' of you

and i can't get u out of my dreams,now i know that you're the dangerous kind and ur smile tatotted on my mind

don't wanna write, i dont wanna call i would not know what to say it should be you, that's how i want it to be

tell me you feel the same way- Tattooed on my mind

just try again one more time, make it better start over new. we can make it. u just have to believed

2011-06-26T03:15:00.000-07:00

mas, katanya tambah gondrong ya. maco dong? wuu tau aja gue suka yang maco2. ohiya mas kenapa ya apa yang lo nasehatin ke gw itu selalu bener?... makanya gw suka kesel. hahah sebatu apapun gw. gw tetep dgrin nasehatin lo kok-mas dan gw jalanin meski sebel tapi gw emg orangnya gt mas,mas-mas kalo gw lg skt selalu inget lo deh haha. mas mas kangen nih emm.. kgn lo nge-jayus kgn lo yang manja2. kgn lo cerita-in ttg zenius2 gw dgrin tau mas... meski suka ga nyambs. hhhh knpsi mas lo ngeselin plus ngangenin segala cara udh dilaku-in untuk ga inget2 lo... tuhkan mas nyamber2nya jadi emosi. btw mas-mas gw tkt bgt loh.. h- brp gatau nih... iii kbyg kan pasti lo mas gimana deg2an nya gw. dgr2 dr ibu-nya si mas. mas snmptn kmrn lancar yah? asikdah gw yakin 85persen lo pasti jadi anak ITB gw nih mas... kayaknya sur. bingung deh mau pasrah tapi jujur ngarep. hufpt. maaaaaaas kangen yaolo. plis dong nyanyi2 akon-dewa oiyaa haha gw kgn RUDE-BOY plus gaya lo mas pemanasan sebelum renang. ciye yang atlet renang. mas maas duuh. susah bgt si nyari yang kayak lo-mas. mas2 gw masih ada di list doa lo gasih? mas lo suka nge-kepoin gw ga? gw udah gatau lg nih kabar lo gimana?? baik2 ajakan ya masi rajin puasa kan ya? ohiya mas2 lagi pdkt sm si doi ya? haha semangat ya mas. sukses bgt sih mas bikin aku patah hati. mihihi yaudadeh mo bobo dulu. gw kangen lo mas !!!! bls ya hiks, seperti biasa kita emang hany

a mampu bertemu di mimpi. adios !

that pict :')

2011-06-25T23:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Confused Graduate,

There must be something in the water, because I've had a TON of girls email me with this question: how do I get over someone? Seeing as this is something I have a bit of experience with myself, I'm going to lay it out for y'all.

Do you want the good news or bad news first? Bad news? What, you're a glutton for punishment? Okay, buckle up.

You know that annoying cliche about how time heals all wounds? Well, it's true. The biggest thing that will help you get over someone is just the passing of every day. You can eat a lot of ice cream, write bad poetry, listen to sad songs, and grow your bangs so long no one sees your face, but I once read that it takes six months to really start to get over someone. It's definitely been true in my life, every time. Why six? No clue. But it's true.

So you need to get your butt to the six-month mark. I would bet my dog that in six months you won't feel the way you do right now. And I love my dog, people. I love my dog.

The good news: It's not always going to feel as bad as it does right now. For serious. You won't even have to wait six months for that. If you're having a really horrible day, the kind where your skin is burning with how much you miss and want and can't live without this person, keep telling yourself this: it won't always feel like this. It won't always feel like this. And it won't. Promise.

Here's some more good news: you've got a lot of energy right now. You probably don't realize it, because you're channeling it all into obsessing about this person. So take the energy and use it to try something new. Cooking? Running? Glass blowing?

My worst getting-over experience led me to start playing tennis. The sport introduced me to new people, got those exercise endorphins flowing so I felt better, and made me a little happier during a dark time. The next time you want to mope, or make a collage of every picture you have of this person, stop. What else could you be doing right now?

Finally, remember this: right now, it feels like there will never be another person like this one - who will like or love you, who you will like or love back. I get it. I've been there. But I'm old enough to tell you it's not true, and know that I'm right. Yes, even you (no matter how much of a freak you think you are, trust me on this) will find someone else. It's not that different from a friend divorce. After you split with a friend, you almost always make a new one. That's how it goes in romance when you're young.

So hang in there by getting out there and doing something. This will end, and you will be okay.

Rachel

Philophobic

2011-06-18T03:41:00.000-07:00

"yas, gila sakit hati gue sesekbgt woy, serah deh dibilang berlebihan or 'get a life please' sumpah gw takut gamau lagi suka dan terikat gamau lagi kalo harus ngadepin yang nama-nya diselingkuhin berantem sampe sayang dan putus gamau lagi terikat. pokonya gw gabisa titik that's why yas, tiap gw pengen nyoba sama hal "itu" dengan orang baru gabisa yas, balik lagi semua flashback yang ga enak-in yang akirnya berakir dgn 'pathetic'. "

"itu nama-nya lo Philophobia"

Philophobia- kalo dalam bahasa inggris namanya "fear for falling in love or being in love" The risk is more acute, when you have confronted any emotional turmoil relating to love in the past.

bawaan-nya tiap mau mencoba suatu relationship selalu aja curigaan mulu,

Beberapa faktor seseorang menjadi Philophobia:

a. seseorang itu pernah merasaakan perlakuan yang tidak menyenangkan dalam suatuhubungan

b.sesorang itu pernah melihat orang lain yang tersiksa karena hubungan ,sehingga dia tidak ingin hal itu terjadi pada dirinya

c.karena optimis membayangkan sesuatu yang diinginkan,tidak akan tercapai

d.tidak percaya pada diri sendiri dan orang lain karena sering merasa dikecewakan

e.di khianati oleh orang yang dicinta

f.menjalin hubungan dengan orang lain tidak berhasil, dll

orang Philophobia disatu sisi punya rasa percaya diri yang tinggi atau sebaliknya,punya rasa percaya diri yang rendah, percaya diri tinggi- perfectionist, baru melihat sedikit aja kesalahan atau kekurangan si gebetan langsung 'over thinking' dan say-goodbye. dan kembali lagi trauma akan masa lalu. akibatnya 'stuck' gabisa menjalani hubungan dgn orang lain

dan pada saat percaya diri mereka rendah biasanya selalu nyalahin diri-nya dan kekurangan-nya. "apa gue kurang cantik,kurang putih,kurang manis,kurang kaya, kurang langsing?, kurang baik?" sekali lagi berujung mengasiani diri sendiri

Defining The Problem
Philophobia is defined as the abnormal, persistent and unwarranted fear of falling in love.

Every year, the phobia causes countless people needless distress and so many abstain from getting emotionally involved.

A restless feeling of being betrayed in love pricks you and unrests your mind. You do not feel emotionally secured in life. This eventually affects the quality of life and pushes you away from any sort of commitment.

It also triggers various symptoms in you that may incorporate sweating, irregular heartbeat, shortness of breath, feelings of dread, nausea and feeling of restlessness.

The worst thing about fear of being in love and falling in love is that it keeps you apart from your loved ones and drives you to a painful solitude.

You feel alone but every time a situation arises for commitment, you get panic attacks.

The symptoms are very irregular and vary from person to person. These include sweating, nausea, rapid breathing, shortness of breath, feelings of dread and extreme fear of not being able to live up to promises.

Reasons Giving Rise To The Problem
Bitter experiences of the past maybe a crucial reason why you do not want to get tangled into a relationship again.

You may fear rejection and that pose as a great reason of embarrassment that deters you from even getting involved with anyone.

2011-06-14T05:53:00.000-07:00

apasih, jatoh lagi jatoh lagi baru seminggu gue coba nafas lagi,selo-selo lagi.. kenapasih? sekali lagi gue harus bgn nangis-nangis.. jrit masalahnya tu mimpi (kayak) beneran.. i mean you and her ? ketebak. dan nyesek bgt rasanya, super blo'on lo-nya itu cuma mimpi. gimana kalo itu nanti jadi nyata? lo harus strong bego.. tapi sumpah di mimpi itu aja gw ga nyadar kalo gue lagi mimpi. se-akan lo-dia ngasi "message" ke gue. damn!.

2011-06-03T22:57:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSdELZxEnHY&feature=youtu.be

strangers 1.meeting 2.the chase 3.honeymoon 4.comfortable 5.tolarance 6.downhill 7.breaking up 8.strangers again

2011-06-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

nama? panggilan sekalian

-vanya dean suprapto panggil nia atau nya atau van atau vanya panya apadeh serah asal jangan vany ! benci bgt

gi aps?

-bengong

hobinya apa?

-bengong

status?

-single fighter sob

pekerjaan?

-pengacara pengangguran ga ada acara !

alamat?

- di deket dufan pokonya <3 sunter

no televon?

-085615635**

masih tinggal sama orangtua

-masih dong i love papamama somuch

sekolah dimana ngomong2?

-SMAN 8 JAKARTA ! AND I SURVIVED

mau lanjut kuliah di?

-jika memang itu yang terbaik insya Allah FAKULTAS KEDOKTERAN PADJAJARAN

oh amin ya amin, tempat konkow dimana?

-dimana-mana yang penting cama temen-temen

are u smoker?

-nope !

describe ur physical appereance dong?

-157 cm 47 kg kalo abis makan jadi 47.5 ha!, hitam(tapi manis loh ;p) long straight hair. cari aja muka-muka bengong

describe ur own personality?

50% defensive 50%sabar(amin !) sensitif. egois. ambisius. terlalu banyak hati dari pada logika cuma satu yang gw banggain dari sifat gw setia. hahaha seriously

udah pernah pacaran?

-emmmmmmm..... emm udah :D

-pernah sakit hati?

yapernah lah !kalo kata luthfie bigbrother "hewan doang yang ga pernah sakit hati"

how u deal with that?

-berdoa aja kepada Allah SWT...

kalo lagi kangen sama orang ngapain?

-asli gw peluk bantal gw ajak ngomong sambil gw gigit2in

sekarang lagi sibuk apa?

-dibiyyyangin pengganguran gajelas sampe tanggal 30juni

lagi deket sama siapa gitu? (lawan jenis ya)

-tau nih akir2 ini gw masih ragu sama orientasi gw ahahha canda... engga ga ada kan setia

terakir nangis kapan?

-kemarin. eh apa tadi shubuh ya lupak

kenapa?

-biasa luka yang masih nganga..

move on dong

-asli lo orang ke 1000.... yang gw tanya balik. apa definisi move on? dan no one answer that question exactly.

pain

2011-06-01T00:47:00.000-07:00

what is pain?

-my first, You

what the triggers pain?

-memories of you

what can heal pain?

-maybe time?

what lengthness pain?

-martyrdom

what is the initial sign of pain

-tears

what is the primary defense mechanism of pain

-denial

what is the primary stressor of pain

-theme song

what is the history of pain

-break up

how can you remove pain

-emm maybe let go? i dont know

how can you forget pain?

-people said, move on? but how? tell me

waiting is painful forgetting is painful but not knowing which one to do is the most kind ofsuffering.. you never know how strong you are until stay strong is the only choice do you have

2011-06-01T00:36:00.000-07:00

i heard,That you're settled down...That you Found a girl..And you're Married now
I heard,That your dreams came true..Guess she gave you things...I didn't give to you
Old friend,Why are you so shy? Ain't like you to hold back...Or hide from the light
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded. That for me it isn't over.....

Never mind,I'll find someone like you..I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."
Sometimes it lasts in love

You know how the time flies,Only yesterday,It was the time of our lives...We were born and raised
In a summer haze, Bound by the surprise....Of our glory days
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Nothing compares,No worries or cares Regrets and mistakes,They are memories made..Who would have known,How bittersweet this would taste?- i miss u

2011-05-20T06:10:00.000-07:00

the more i comfort my self, the more i cry.. even if i rub away my tears secretly the memories are spreading to other memories making me cry with a painful heart im really sorry i'm sorry, i'm sorry for these words are too late i'll wait for u without a sense of honor... will u return tomorow by chance

2011-05-20T05:43:00.000-07:00

I miss my ........ ,one night he used to call me on the phone, and when I asked him why. he told me "i just want call to say i love you" he wanted to hear my voice. I miss my ...... ,The smell of his shampoo and perfume . The way he could always convince me to keep have faith and spirit.When you love someone like I loved him, there’s a part of you it’s like you’re attached by this invisible tether, and no matter how far away you are you can always feel them. And now every time I reach for that tether I know there’s no one on the other end, and I feel like I’m falling into nothingness. And then I remember ......., I remember a life lead with no enemies, no resentments, no regrets and I’m inspired to get up out of bed and go on. I miss my........so much it feels like piece of me has been ripped off. Just one more time I want to hold him. Just ten more seconds— is that too much to ask? For ten more seconds to hold him? But I can’t and I won’t and the only thing keeping me from being swallowed whole by sadness is that........would kill me if I did. So for now I’m just going to miss ....... I love you......

i copied that from sue's speech. and that's really how i feels. and would you fill that blank?

2011-05-15T03:39:00.000-07:00

if i keep searching the happyending i never get it right, but how many times will it take to get right? why waiting for someone really hurting.

2011-05-08T01:45:00.000-07:00

you showed up in my dream, like it was you.. i swear in the name of god. it looks like "the real you". even in my dream you told me. that it's over.and even my own dream u could makes me cry.

2011-05-07T23:51:00.000-07:00

"Am I better off dead?,Am I better off a quitter? They say I'm better off now...Than I ever was with him, As they take me to my local down the street... I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet,They say a few drinks will help me to forget him...But after one too many I know that I'm never
Only they can’t see where this is gonna end,They all think I'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense
And my mates are all there trying to calm me down,..Cause I'm shouting your name all over the town ..I'm swearing if I go there now...I can change his mind turn it all around
And I know that I'm drunk but I’ll say the words,And he'll listen this time even though they’re slurred
Dialed his number and confessed to him.. I'm still in love but all I heard... Was nothing
So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences,i know if I faced his face, that he'll come to his senses...Every drunk step I take leads me to his door... If he sees how much I'm hurting, he'll take me back for sure"
Oh, I wanted words but all I heard was nothing... you're coming down, your hands are shaking,When you realize there's no one waiting

hari ini banyak berita duka, semuanya ngebuat pala gue pusing.. seriously? this heart is beating faster..gue takut. why anything should frighten me right now? i should face the death with laugh.crap. seriusdeh kalo misalnya lo masih punya orang yang lo sayang yang SETIA disamping lo, selalu cheer- you up kalo misalnya lo ada masalah.. atau cuma sekedar bbm "lagi apa kamu?, jangan lupa makan ya nanti sakit" yang masih rela minta maaf padahal jelas2 elo yang salah. yang udah tau sama semua sifat jelek lo dan sabar ngadepin lo.. ngacak2 rambut lo meski lo ga suka.. lo cubitin tapi dia mau padahal dia tau itu sakit, yang suka marah dan larang2 lo ini itu masih usaha nemenin lo kemana-kemana,yang masih bisa ngomong "i love u" padahal lo ambekin mulu. gimana kata2 "hi how are you today ?" yang harusnya itu adalah kata2 biasa.. someday lo bakal kangen ditanyain gitu..gimana itu kata2 singkat ternyata berharga banget buat jalanin hari-hari lo. JANGAN LO PERNAH SIA-SIA-in lo ga bakal tau kalo suatu hari nanti dia bakal cape bosen dan pergi selama-lamanya ninggalin lo. dan lo cuma bisa nangis. nerima kenyataan yang ada. berharap pun engga bisa.

dan bahwasanya pada hari ini saya adalah menyadari kalo saya, masih belum bisa over.. i'm not that easy dude. i'm sorry. and i know. i can't expect more than this. baru nyadar bgt tiada hari selama sebulan lebih ini bangun tidur tanpa engga nangis pas sholat shubuh. maupun sholat isya mau tidur ataupun lagi bengong baru nyadar bgt kalo misalnya gue butuh bgt kata2 "hi apakabar kamu? udah makan belum udah belajar?" apalagi nerima kenyataan kalo misalnya dia udah punya "calon" yang lain. it's totally clueless we'll never be the same again.. ikhlas? ya saya ikhlas nerima kenyataan. tapi gue ga bisa boong. kalo emang rasanya ngebuat gue sesek nafas.berarti gue belum ikhlas?

even in the crowded place i still feeling so lonely.. gue tau banyak hal yang harus gue pikirin dari ini tau banget .. but this is just the another world of me. kalo semua ini adalah berarti, "nunggu" gue bakal nunggu. karena cuma itu yang bisa gue lakuin sekarang. gatau nunggu waktu ataupun nunggu lo.. atau nunggu luka ini ketutup. gue mau nunjukin sama apa yang artinya "setia". when u can't get what u want, u'll always can get me.. i will wait whatever it takes. even i know it impossible or u with her. i'm gonna wait.

2011-05-04T16:49:00.001-07:00

Lately gw telah Mengihandari "a big heavy conversation" sama mama and it did. Really hurts my heart. Maaf ma. Ga tega Nia. Ada saatnya ga sekarang. i know u hurting right now. maafya.

2011-05-03T02:35:00.000-07:00

ada apasih ada apayaAllah, ko ga diilangin deg2an attacknya-z ampe sesek napas, kangen bgt sama umroh sama rumah-Mu ya Allah.. semoga mama papa dikasih rezeki yang banyak tahun ini. soalnya saya kangen bgt berkunjung ke rumah-Mu

2011-04-30T01:22:00.000-07:00

selamat ulang tahun V ! alhamdulillah nambah 1 tahun jadi 18 tahun... tua ya, berharap banget umur masih 5 tahun ! kaya lilin yang diatas itu.. ga ada yang special tahun ini ulang tahun pertama tanpa cake.. mama aja lupa baru inget sore, yauda gpp udah gede.. hari ini cuma intensif nf trs tidur siang nangis belajar... segitu aja udah Alhamdulillah, emm kata yang paling sulit diucapkan oleh manusia barangkali adalah kata "cukup" kapankah kita bisa berkata cukup? cukup bukan soal berapa jumlahnya. cukup adalah persoalan kepuasan hati. cukup hanya bisa di ucapkan oleh orang yang bisa mensyukuri.Naif banget deh saya nulis tentang cukup dan bersyukur, nyatanya gw adalah seorang yg kufur. alias tidak pernah mensyukuri nikmat.. kaya hari ini harusnya gw bersyukur udah bisa dikasih 1 tahun sama Allah jadi 18 tahun deh hidup di dunia, dikasi anggota tubuh yang lengkap mama papa angie teteh yang sayang.. teman yang selalu mensupport saya tapi ko gua malah nangis meraung-raung.. entahlah mungkin Allah masi suka menguji saya dengan segala cobaan bekal untuk menghadapi medan yang lebih sulit lagi. tapi jujur , perasaan saya sakit sekali ya Allah.. kufur sekali rasanya. mengingat 2tahun atau 1tahun lalu gue bener-bener ga nyangka ada orang-orang sejahat itu ya Allah. "dia terlalu -dimana-mana"

2011-04-28T19:51:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHskWBo1FQw&feature=related

'hardly breath' underline.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart ,Then waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees,And for a moment you can hardly breathe..Wondering was he really here?
Is he standing in my room?
No he's not, 'cause he's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart, The giving up is the hardest part,he takes you in with his crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye..Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side? ... No he can't, 'cause he's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands

2011-04-28T19:12:00.000-07:00

for the first time in my life. i dont know what i have to expect for tomorrow. gatau banget besok harus gimana. hanya akan belajar dirumah tidur dan nangis mungkin?. segitu cepetnya 2tahun berlalu. people change. people learn. and go..

harusnya bersyukur insya Allah besok nambah 1tahun,iya Alhamdulillah ya Allah.. tetapi ko rasanya menyakitkan ya kalo diingat kejadian 2tahun lalu ataupun 1 tahun lalu..

life must go on. mungkin segala cobaan diberikan dari-Mu untuk membuatku kuat dan bertambah dewasa.. semoga saya bisa melaluinya ya Allah.. kalo kata mama nanti di depan masih banyak orang yang lebih jahat dari yang pernah saya temuin hampir 18tahun di dunia.. semoga aja saya masih punya kekuatan ya Allah untuk ngadepin orang-orang yang kayak gitu, ga lemah kayak gini.. setiap hari selalu bangun, karena perasaan ga enak. deg-degan tapi gatau apa yang di khawatirin.. mau tidurpun kayak gitu.. tiap hari selalu mengusap dada buat nenangin diri sendiri..

ya Allah. saya percaya kalo semua ini emang udah skenarionya.. saya cuma bingung kenapa rasanya nyeri banget.. sesek sampe gabisa napas dan rasanya luar biasa , hilangkan perasaan ini ya Allah.. semoga cobaan yang Engkau berikan, masih di dalam batas kemampuan hamba-Mu dan keluargaku ini ya Allah.. lancarkanlah segala urusanku ya Allah. ikhlaskan.perjalanan saya masih panjang, kalo memang kata orang cuma waktu yang bisa nyembuhin ini.. saya harap saya bisa melaluinya...segitu senangnya penyakit menyangsang di tubuh saya bahkan di hati saya.hahaha, saya harus kuat. harus kuat. buat mama papa angie teteh dan orang-orang yang sayang sama saya.

2011-04-27T19:19:00.001-07:00

what do ya think. of course i'm hurt.and yes i know i've took the wrong way.dont u dare to swear about it. you do not know nothing about it.

2011-04-20T03:31:00.000-07:00

23.00 my mom wiped my tears... i lose my faith somehow... the one who i trust to keep this heart, betray me.. how i can get through this? this 'creepythings' can i trust someone again? how if it never works.. how i never woke up anymore? i dont have anyone to share, i'm sick. the real sick. she huged me said everythings will be allright. why you lied? i know it never right... hey you the one who i still desperetely in love.. what if i never see u anymore. there's something left that i have to told you. before its too late.. and i never have guts to said that.. i know now you're seeing someone else. is she preety? i guess so. you never wrong for a taste, but just u know.. it hurts me so deep mal, so deep... it's only 2 weeks ago.. and this is it ? i'm easy right?.. the fool me is i still think,that maybe there's "someday" between us. that finally together we still can destroyed this barrier between us.. i'm waiting mal..

"u said u need a little time to my mistakes... but it's funny how u used that time for have me replace" "Did u thing that i would'nt see u out at the movies, you take her to the place we go.. now if u trying to break my heart it's working cause u know"

but why i still love you? when u never said u love me back... i gotta go now... goodbye or hopefully see u soon

is it really how it feels

2011-04-19T01:55:00.000-07:00

If anyone asks,I'll tell them we both just moved on,When people all stare....I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk Whenever I see you I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue,Pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong.is it over yet?,Can I open my eyes?.. Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry?....If anyone asks I'll tell them we just grew apart What do I care if they believe me or not,Whenever I feel your memory is breaking my heart....I'll pretend I'm okay with it all,Act like there's nothing wrong.I'm talking in circles I'm lying, they know it, Why won't this just all go away

Am i ?

2011-04-17T02:50:00.000-07:00

Am i already? already lose you?..... do u ever think about me? do u ever cry ur self to sleep? in the middle of night when u awake are calling out of me.... it's been 11 days since u went away and i miss you so much.. i should be over you.. i should know better but it's just not the case... i miss you? are u ok? do u still feel the same? ... or has time put out the flame

pain

2011-04-11T16:26:00.000-07:00

thanks for flash i still can write this blog in this creepy room...

"another nightmares again, for months I felt like I was trapped in one of those terrifying nightmares, the one where you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but you can’t make your body move fast enough." , "the absence of him is everywhere I look. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest."

" i didn’t have to look to know who it was; this was a voice I would know anywhere—know, and respond to, whether I was awake or asleep… or even dead, I’d bet. The voice I’d walk through fire for—or, less dramatically, slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for." "Do you think I’ll ever get better at this? That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest ?" "tell me you forgive me" "He smiled my favorite crooked smile, and then he disappeared into the darkness." What’s the worst that can happen? I flinched. That was definitely the wrong question to ask. I was having a hard time breathing right. Okay, I thought again, what’s the worst I can live through? I didn’t like that question so much, either.

So much had changed, and so abruptly. It made me feel a little bit dizzy, like I was standing on an edge, a precipice somewhere much too high.I was ninety-nine point nine percent sure I was dreaming.Change was coming. I could feel it. It wasn’t a pleasant prospect, not when life was perfect the way it was.The contrast between the two of us was painful. He looked like a god. I looked very average, even for a human, almost shamefully plain.I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to locate some courage.where you are is the right place for me,With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useles,he evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over

The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under. I did not resurface.I sat down oand tried very hard not to think of the irony. But it was ironic, all things considered, that, in the end, I would wind up as a zombie. I hadn’t seen that one coming.It was depressing to realize that I wasn’t the heroine anymore, that my story was over.What was I doing? I should be running from this memory as fast as I could, blocking the image of the four lounging men from my mind, protecting myself with the numbness I couldn’t function without.As much as I struggled not to think of him, I did not struggle to forget. I worried—late in the night, when the exhaustion of sleep deprivation broke down my defenses—that it was all slipping away. That my mind was a sieve, and I would someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel of his cool skin, or the texture of his voice. I could not think of them, but I must remember them. Because there was just one thing that I had to believe to be able to live—I had to know that he existed. That was all. Everything else I could endure. So long as he existed.

Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.It didn’t feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I’d grown strong enough to bear it.For the first time in a long time, I didn’t know what to expect in the morning.. I wished I could feel numb again, but I couldn’t remember how I’d managed it .. wondered how long this could last. Maybe someday, years from now—if the pain would just decrease to the point where I could bear it—I would be able to look back on those few short months that would always be the best of my life. And, if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as he’d given me. More than I’d asked for, more than I’d deserved. Maybe someday I’d be able to see it that way.As if he’d never existed? That was insanity. It was a promise that he could never keep, a promise that was broken as soon as he’d made it.I was laughing, actually laughing, and there wasn’t even anyone watching. I felt so weightless that I laughed again, just make the feeling last longer.

Unattainable and impossible, uncaring and distracted.The truth was that I wanted to hear his voice again, like I had in the strange delusion Friday night. For that brief moment, when his voice came from some other part of me than my conscious memory, when his voice was perfect and honey smooth rather than the pale echo my memories usually produced, I was able to remember without pain.I tried to tell myself that the fear was pointless. I’d already lived through the worst thing possible. In comparison with that, why should anything frighten me now? I should be able to look death in the face and laugh.Normal memories were still dangerous. If I let myself slip up, I’d end up with my arms clutching my chest to hold it together,I was like a lost moon—my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation—that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.Do you honestly expect me to remember where all my scars come from?..I needed him too much, and I was selfish.There was nothing I could do. There were no precautions I could take. There was no place I could hide. There was no one who could help me. even god hates me for being such an ego person..Once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore.If I’m silly, then you’re dangerously unbalanced.

i’d lost too much already—would fate take the last few shreds of peace left behind? I saw him, and I had no will to fight. It was so clear, so much more defined than any memory. Was I dying again, then? I didn’t like it—this wasn’t as good as the last time.I don’t want to sleep. If I close my eyes now, I’ll see things I don’t want to see. I’ll have nightmares.f I let myself hope, and it came to nothing… that would kill me.

What if you sincerely believed something was true, but you were dead wrong? What if you were so stubbornly sure that you were right, that you wouldn’t even consider the truth? Would the truth be silenced, or would it try to break through? but in a way i'm glad all this pain is the only reminder that you are real

Replace

2011-04-08T18:31:00.000-07:00

pagi-pagi udah ngegalau aja setelah belajar shubuh tadi, salah bgt dehya emang stalking-stalking, such a hard work for a stalker.. "if" you know something that might hurt

udah tau salah, kenapa juga masih dilakuin sih van? "dewasa" dong "dewasa"

lo harus sepenuhnya bisa mengontrol ilmu ikhlas itu.... buang semua pikiran-pikiran negatif

Jeg bgt tadi pas lagi ngesave sesuatu di hape "file is already exist , do u want to overwrite or replace it" dan tanpa pikir panjang "cancel" "no".... are u already replacing-me? dan mulailah pikiran-pikiran itu merajalela.. tau ko gue tau itu salah kapan "dewasa"nya cobaa... semuanya ada hikmahnya semua ini ada alasannya.. it's hard dude hard.. and you seems to move on easy

"I don't understand why, See it's burning me to hold onto this..I know this is something I gotta do,But that don't mean I want to What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just I feel like this is coming to an end And it's better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you I gotta let it burn "

"When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to,But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to..Even though this might ruin you "

" Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you... Hate the thought of her being with someone else But you know that it's over, We know that it's through"

"I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on, On the other side I wanna break down and cry"

Blair: "Breakups are easy, it's having to see them date someone else that's hard."

Dewasa

2011-04-08T02:37:00.000-07:00

udah lama juga ga ngisi blog curhatan gue ....

ga nyangka loh bentar lagi udah mau tanggal 18 April. Ujian Nasional... setelah terseok seok struggle di SMA itu... finally.. semoga aja bisa lulus kelar.

Baru kerasa sedihnya harus ninggalin masa-masa smu meskipun di satu sisi excited semangat buat masuk perguruan tinggi buru-buru kuliah kerja dll tapi tapi ternyata masa masa smu itu menyenangkan ...

ya meskipun gue akui pada awalnya berat bgt harus sekolah disitu ga punya temen :( , pelajarannya susah, gurunya gitu semuaaa, susah bgt adaptasi. dll dll dll tapi makin kesini ternyata alhamdulillah meski sering ikut remedial dan nilai ngepas... guru yang akhirnya bisa tau juga "begitu toh" dan akirnya kenal si ini si itu yang begini begitu temenan suka kenalan deket pacaran cinta sayang. :)

kalo di ibaratkan kaya apayaaaa perasaannya harus ninggalin.. gatau deh tak terdefinisikan... setelah dipikir banyak juga kenangan-kenangan di smu itu seneng suka sedih marah cinta segala macem

waktu itu abis ESQ doa bersama angkatan, awalnya ga begitu merhatiin sampe itu orang ESQ nunjukin ada orang kesesat di hutan belantara terus dia manjat ke atas pohon bediri terus kakak ESQ nya bilang "sedang apa dia manjat keatas pohon" ga begitu merhatiin gue kira nyari sinyal -_____- terus si kakak bilang "engga ko orang batrenya abis,ga punya apa-apa dia. map kompas aja ga ada... dia tuh lagi liat situasi Hutan Belantara itu gimana. biar dia tau dia dimana? dan harus kemana?"

Oh God gw langsung duduk merhatiin,, dan nyess hati gue .....rasanya...... bener

sebenetar lagi gue bakal ngadepin awalnya perjalanan kehidupan.... ninggalin kehidupan SMU

gimana ya? apa gue punya cukup bekel? galau sodara-sodara galau... pas ESQ tadi juga.. jadi mikir gimana ya nanti ngadepin orang-orang yang ruang lingkupnya lebih LUAS. gimana ya rasanya harus bener-bener independen tanpa harus bergantung sama orang lain?

intinya itu adalah situasi dimana kita harus "Dewasa" ,dewasa itu apaya? emm menurut gue dewasa itu adalah dimana kita sudah tau fokus dan tujuan hidup kita apa, dimana kita tau bahwa hal yang seharusnya salah itu tidak boleh dilakukan harus tau kedepannya rencananya seperti apa.. yang jelas ga boleh Ababil alias ABG labil

ada seseorang yang pernah bilang ke gue kalo lo mau pinter lo harus "pura-pura pinter" biar jadi pinter... kayaknya omongan orang itu ngena bgt di otak gue.. gue berpura-pura "dewasa" karena gue ingin Dewasa... dan ternyata sodara-sodara BERAT SEKALI

"i stopped it because i have to, not i wanted to".... gila dalem bgt nih dimana lo harus ngelakuin hal benar itu meskipun lo ga pengen lakuin hal itu

kemarin-kemarin gue mulai mencoba menerapkan teori 'pura-pura dewasa' ... akhirnya setelah dipikir baik dan buruknya gw dan 'sesorang' memutuskan untuk "dewasa" meskipun bagi gue ini masih tingkat 'pura-pura' sedih bgt rasanya... tapi "GIMANA" gue gatau ini yang terbaik atau terindah atau mudah2an terbaik dan terindah, tapi Allah udah ngasih unjuk jalan gini kan.. Dia punya sesuatu rencana buat gue.. sekarang gue cuma bisa tawakkal aja.. nahan-nahan diri mencoba merealisasikan "dewasa" itu... gue yakin ko kalo emang pada akhirnya gue bisa merealisasikan "dewasa" itu dan kalo emang pada akhirnya juga gue ujung2nya sama "Dia" atau ga sama "Dia" itu semua adalah rencana Allah.. yang terbaik untuk gue dan "Dia"

meski berat banget "pura-pura dewasa" .... meski gue kangen banget sama dia i keep telling my self 'hold on hold on' ada saatnya van ada.... "Dia" juga tau lo lagi mencoba dewasa "Dia" juga tau kalo lo sayang bgt sama "Dia"..... buat sesorang yang disana gonna tell you dude ... I STILL FIGHT FOR YOU and of course MY DREAM,... cause i'm still gonna wait for us

I MISS YOU

2010-12-18T01:00:00.000-08:00

I miss you

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare

The shadow in the background of the morgue

The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley

We can live like Jack and Sally if we want

Where you can always find me

And we'll have halloween on Christmas

And in the night we'll wish this never ends

We'll wish this never ends

I miss you, miss you

Where are you and I'm so sorry

I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight

I need somebody and always

This sick, strange darkness

Comes creeping on so haunting everytime

And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders

Catching things and eating their insides

Like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?

Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head

(I miss you, miss you)

kenapa harus ada yang lain

A year from now

2010-12-13T16:19:00.000-08:00

Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you, my heart was yours.
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step that you took was the worst.
Since then you’ve walked a thousand miles in silence and short remark,
And I still have these memories,
But we’ll never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where we’d be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you’d never let it go?
Remember. cause that’s all you can do.
We’ll never make another memory,
We’ll never make another memory.
I wish I’d have died in your arms the last time we were together,
So I wouldn’t have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real.
You said they were.
What happened?
You were a priority,
Was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I don’t share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
You knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I’m sorry that wasn’t enough.
So, we’ll go our own ways,
And hopefully you’ll remember the things I’ve told you,
Hopefully you’ll understand that everything I said was in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess I’ve learned from it.
But aren’t you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don’t consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didn’t end this way,
Cause I’m still in love with the person who helped me write it.
Remember when you held my hand like you’d never let it go?
Remember when we talked about where we’d be a year from now

i wrote this

2010-12-13T16:17:00.000-08:00

love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime, and never let go till we’re gone.
if you really mean forever, then say you will try, never say forever cause forever makes me cry., never say hello, if you really mean goodbye.
never say you’re too, if you never plan to start. never look into my eyes if all you do is lie.
never say " i love you" if you didn’t care, never talk about feeling if they arent really there. there are times when i cant decide whether to see you or not, i want to see you because i miss you

it's hard to make a decision when you're too tired to hold on, but you're too in love to let go

The Mutual Heartache

2010-12-13T16:15:00.000-08:00

introduced with innocence .who would have ever guessed that you were the one i had ,been so desperately searching .You talk as i do but yet understand when i mumble.
you see ,as i do but your vision burned by naivity .this is the barrier that seperates us .
i cannot cross yet .There is to much of me that would frighten you,so i live in heartache because we cant fully explose this love and so what is your heartache does it feel as shor ? as mine? no matter where i go for how long it takes .i will never recover from this mutual heartache

pilot

2010-12-13T15:24:00.000-08:00

1 Mei 2009

"van lo mau ga jd cewe gw?"

"engga,engga salah lagi"

that day i took a risk, i knew it i had a planned with that questions if he asked me. definetly i know exactly the answer, i love you

september 2009

"makasih ya sayang hari ini, kamu gatau gimana senengnya aku hari ini sama kamu.. kita ke dufan naik kora-kora,halilintar tornado rumah kaca istana boneka niagara arung jeram robocop terus terakhir biang lala.. aku sayang bgt sama kamu van, kebayang ga sih kamu kalo misalnya kita pisah bukan dari kemauan kita? pasti bakal sedih bgt ya....."

28 januari 2010

"van aku punya janji nih "

"oh ya apaan mal?"

"adadeh udah lama sih janjinya,sama diri aku sendiri"

"yaaah apaan? please dong please kasih tau aku tentang aku bukan?

"iya tentang kamu ko, entar aja ya sampe kesampaian"

"buat aku seneng ga nih"

"semoga aja gitu"

i love you

30 april 2010

21.20 A- WHOLE NEW WORLD

I can show you the world

Shining, shimmering, splendid

Tell me, princess, now when did

you last let your heart decide

I can open your eyes

Take you wonder by wonder

Over, sideways, and under

On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world

A new fantastic point of view

No one to tell us no

Or where to go

Or say we're only dreaming

A whole new world

A dazzling place i never knew

But now from way up here

It's crystal clear

That now i'm in a whole new world

With you

Now i'm in a whole new world with you

Unbelievable sights

Indescribable feeling

Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling

Through an endless diamond sky

A whole new world

Don't you dare close your eyes

A hundred thousand things to see

Hold your breath- it gets better

I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far I can't go back to where i used to be

A whole new world

With new horrizons to pursue

I'll chase them anywhere, there's time to spare, let me share this whole new world with you

A whole new world

A new fantastic point of view

No one to tell us no or where to go

(Jasmine:) Or say we're only dreaming

a whole new world

Every turn a surprise

(Aladdin:) With new horizons to pursue

Every moment gets better

I'll chase them anywhere theres time to spare

Anywhere

Theres time to spare

Let me share

This whole new world

With you

A whole new world

Thats where we'll be

Where we will be

A thrilling change

A wonderous place

For you and me

KARENA KU TAHU ENGKAU BEGITU

kuyakin dalam hatiku
kau satu yang ku perlu
kurasa hanya dirimu
yang membuatku rindu

* bila saat nanti kau milikku
kuyakin cintamu
takkan terbagi, takkan berpaling
karena kutahu engkau begitu
karena kutahu engaku begitu

hingga ku pasti menunggu
selama apapun itu
demi cinta yang kurasakan
yang hanyalah kepadamu

** percayalah kusungguh-sungguh
mengatakan semua
yakinkan hatimu kau milikku
karena kutahu engkau begitu
karena kutahu engkau begitu

i was just speechless , i love you

1 Mei 2010

"selamat satu tahun ya sayang,semoga kita selalu awet kaya carl sama ellie ;),

i love you"

juli 2010

can you believe it, in one day a vanya could break all of on above

and he never back and everythings fade away.. this time i made a big mistake but still

i love you

agustus 2010

"gw udah gabisa sama lo" "pacaran tuh ribet" ,

i love you

30 Agustus 2010

"nobita shizuka" happy birthday kemal darmawan ;)

and i caught you, with some one else

these what happen if you too force someone to still love you

oh you,you did it again

you did hurt my heart i dont know how many times

you make me so desperatly in love and u let me down

you said u never lie again, you say this time will be so right

and then i found you were lying there by her side.

i love you,i forgive you

everyhtings seems perfect, too perfect maybe

8 november 2010

"aku udah gamau bgt pacaran"-k

9 november 2010

"kalo yang kamu bilang setengah hati.. iya aku emang setengah hati,"

"jijik gw sama lo, jijik.. jijik van"

i love you

i'm too vurnarable, i believe every girls,woman,ladies they are

even the strongest one.. inside we're fragile.. but the srongest one know how to handle

and right know i'm sorry i'm so selfish i can't found out how to handle this ruins.

maaf mal,

Setengah-hati

Tertegun ku memandangmu  Saat kau tinggalkanku .. menangis  Bodohnya ku mangharapmu  Jelas sudah tak kau pedulikan cintaku   Mestinya telah kusadari  Betapa perih cinta tanpa balasmu  Harusnya tak ku paksakan  Bila akhirnya kan melukaiku   Reff :  Mungkin ku tak akan bisa jadikan dirimu kekasih  Yang seutuhnya mencintaiku  Namun kurelakan diri  Jika hanya setengah hati  Kau sejukkan jiwa ini   Ku hanya terus berharap  Satu hari kau mampu .. sadari  Tiada yang pernah mengerti  Sepertiku setulus hati mencintaimu

D day

2009-04-11T15:31:00.000-07:00

April 11 2009 18.00 (at bus with my ipod)

i realized that i can't slose my eyes even i felt so sleepy well this thE d -DAY for him
the cute one that i'm talkin about..last night he message me said he scared about this day.. actually i'm so so tired today is reallyreally superfun with caang and pua 35 we wen to citatih
and rafting i can described with the words ..but right now when the sund goes down the feel is come out i don't like the way i feel inside i'm so worried about him :'( and last message that i recieved was last morning ..he still feel the same way ...i'm too worried oh i hope boy you know how my heart and my brain try to synching

18.15
'van lagi ngapain'
*lagi di bus,ga bisa tidur..lo? how do you feel i'm so worried
'oh kenapa ga bisa tidur? masih ditebet mau sholat.heheh makasih.gw takut bgt van'
*iya ga bisa tidur ikut-ikutan takut gue haha gajelas ye... iya k lo kuat semoga besok cepat dataaang

last mesaaged he won't reply ......... worried again ...

18.30
aya sent me message
'nya hari ini k pelantikan yakan'

'yes yaaaaaa gue takut why why?'

wee tau ga nya tadi faiz kemal aji gitu telp gw masa minta doa'

'aaaaaaaa serius lo ya mereka nelepon lo? ah yampun ko dia ga ngabarin gue ya

oh well i know my cellular such an idiot ...bad signal

19.13 at my car ontheway myhome
+0816122
anda telah dihubungi oleh +6285697206564

oh mygosh that kemal's number and when i'm trying to callback him
he called me

k 'halo?'
v.'halo? kenapa?
k:gpp nya
it's too noisy ...
k'lagi apa dan lagi dimaana?'
vlagi dimobil mau kerumah .lo? dimana?
k:sawin yah vanya

k giave his phone to haeron and faiz and aji dwiky bima etc.
theye're want me to pray forthem ....and then in the end

k : vanya
v : k
k :doain gue ya
v :engga mau
k :dih ko gitu
v: :ya enggalah kem dari tadi kali ampe gabisa tidur gue dari di bus
k : hah? serius? makaaasih ya nya.makasih banget gue takut
v: :jangan takut pokoknya lo manusia paling kuaaat..udah makan lo? jangan lemes lo
k :udah eh tapi elom eh udah ah udah ah ga nafsu
v: :yee makan ga lo ah males deh ya makan ga lo harus makan
k :hahaha iyaiya yaaa nya ..makasih ya nya doain gue loh ya
v :pasti dong k :) byeeee dah k
k :dah vanyaa

hang up ....oh mygod i'm sofckin happy but tsill worried to

so i arrived and i sent him a message

v : k hati hati ya
k :iya van doain terus ya
v:iya kayanya ni malem gue g todur :(
k:kenapa ga tidur?tidur lah van
v:ga tau jd deg2an juga.org gbsa tdur dr di bus dgr cerita org2 soal pelantikan
k :hem udah tidur aja kalo lo gak tidur entar kerasanya lama van
v:penyakit susah tidur ya kem udah makan kan lo
k:hem udah 2 kali sih,doain aja kuat ya van.duh bentar lagi kayanya mau brangkat nih van
v:yes i will always deh taa kem.bagus makan yang banyak jangan lemes ya k ..aa pokoknya hati-hati abs pelantikan bayangin yang indah2 ajaa..wish you all the best ya ...lo kuat lo kuat lo yang paling kuat
k:iya van amin,gue udah dijalan menuju cibubur nih van,sedikit tenang sih nih sekarang
:alhamdulliah yaa kemal semoga semua baik-baik sajaa ..salam buat yang lain ya kemal ..gue doain ...tenang gara2 apa?
k:gatau tiba2 tenang aja.palingan entar down lagi.gak tidur van? tidur gih
berangkat naik apa? bawel ye gue ..gabisa tidur gue
k:van gue udah sampe,naek metro mini van.udah ya van,lo tidur gih,besok pagi kalo bisa gue
telfon lo.amin.daa vanya

and i'm still waiting his promise morningcall :'(

hot and cold

2009-04-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

yeahs i know songs to drawing my heart well wtf
'cause you're hot and you're cold'

Hot N Cold lyrics

You change your mind Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS Like a bitch......I would know

And you always think Always speak Cryptically
I should know That you're no good for me
cause you're hot then you're cold You're yes then you're no You're in and you're out You're up and you're down You're wrong when it's right It's black and it's white We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

(You) You don't really want to stay, no
(You) but you don't really want to go-oYou're hot then you're coldYou're yes then you're no You're in and you're out You're up and you're down

We used to beJust like twins
So in sync The same energy
Now's a dead battery Used to laugh bout nothing Now your plain boring
I should know that you're not gonna change

You, You don't really want to stay, no
*but* You, but you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're coldYou're yes then you're no
You're in and you're outYou're up and you're down

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bi-polar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get off this ride

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes

grrrrw today my father have to go somewhere and i'm gonna missed him. dad take care ya...
so in this house only me and my sisters and my mom... without bibi ? ..well the ridicilous that i've just knowed was I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE WASHING MACHINE oh god please bibi get well soooooooon ....argh my mom said i have to clean up the floor .. i think the floor is clean nothing i have to do .....argh i hate this :'( i just can't wait for tomorrow... raft-ing yesyes tomorrow i hope it's gonna be my funday ..well for some students in my school including 'the cute one' tomorrow it' s the '...................' oh i'm so worried about him ..i believe he's gonna be allright ...and i hope today he will call me or just message me or chat with ...i just want to know how he feel about tomorrow :( ...maybe today he won't contact me ....it's so ridicolous vanyaaa

chuck and blair

2009-04-09T08:36:00.000-07:00

the trouble with love is

2009-04-08T07:46:00.000-07:00

after long time i don;t i just feel lonely in this wednesday night ...so i decide to wrote something in my blog, i feel so sleepy today ...i slept when 'makibau' teach me and my exist i don't care even she always try to noticed 'tolong yaaaa kepalanya jangan dibiasakan ditempel di meja' .... from monday-wednesday i guess mybody is turning like a bigball i can;t stop eating it makes me feel comfortable ...ohgosh don;t forget my bloddymarry hair it's sucks me ..iyuuuh .. hem have you ever heard kelly clarkson's songs 'the trouble with love is' ?

i think right know that's songs really talk about what i feels

there's a boy lately i realized that he's cute ...grrrwr ...we are close just like a friend started from last month.. i think he is funny kind shyshy haha it's funny when i have to meet him at school we both turning into red ..(we both ? or just me? ...haha) and our friends try tempatated us.. haha very usual .. but i don;t know now we are just not too close again my friends told me that i have to be patient (patient of whaaaaat? biasa aja lagi) haha i don;t know but there;s a bad voice say somethin really bad about him hem maybe that was just my feeling ...well last ..yesterday he was calling me for about 90 minutes. and today he wasn't sent me a message or chat ...or something ...maybe maybe somethin wrong happened that makes him unrespect... okey hello why i have to think about this ....'he can call me everytime he want chat me whatever or messaging me ... or he won't do all of that IT'S OK ... i don't have to think about that ..but honestly i feel dissapointed if he doesn't or just say something hello ...OKEY whatever vanyaaa please do not think about that he will or wont we are just friend (krezy ...i'm talking with myself)

i know what's traumatic and i have to moremore bulit my defense and carecarefullyyyy with all this stuff ...do falldown in the samehole anymore ..because it hur

The Trouble With Love Is lyrics

Oooh oooh, ooooh yeah, mmmm...

Love can be a many splendored thing
Can't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sale and fairy tales
It'll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind, It'll fool ya every time

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside Make your heart believe a lie It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall And you can't refuse the call See, you got no say at all
Now I was once a fool, it's true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world's a deeper blue
I'm sadder, but I'm wiser too
I swore I'd never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn't worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

(The trouble with) The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See, you got no say at all

Every time I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keeps callin' and I keep on fallin'
Over and over again
This sad story always ends the same
Me standin' in the pourin' rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

(The trouble with love is) The trouble with love, yeah
(It can tear you up inside) It can tear you up inside
(Make your heart believe a lie) Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride

(The trouble with love is)
It's in your heart
It's in your soul (doesn't care how fast you fall)
You won't get no control
(and you can't refuse the call)
See, you got no say at all

(The trouble with love is) Oh, yeah
(It can tear you up inside)
(Make your heart believe a lie)

the trouble with love is.....

2009-03-07T16:55:00.000-08:00

while i'm listening 'if i let you go'-westlife in my room ... my heart sounds like 'badabum badabum' i've been so 'badabum badabum' ..that's song the only one in my playlist on my ipod or notebook .. what happen to me? ..old song and i feel so ..'badabum'

'day after day time passed away and i just can't get you off my mind'
'nobody knows i hide it inside'
'i keep on searching but i can't find. the courage show to letting you know
i've never felt so much love before
'and once i'm thingking about ,taking the easy way out'........

hem i wish all of you would able to hearing my hearts 'badabum' when i'm listen and write that's lyric ....okay i continue to finish this lyrics

'night after night i hear my heart sayin
why can't this feeling just fade away'
there's no one like you ..you SPEAK to my heart
'It's such a shame we're world apart'
i'm too shy to ask and im too proud to lose
but sooner or later i gotta chosse ...
and once again i'm thinkin about taking the easy way out.......

well .....not finished yet for write that lyrics cause i know you already knew the ends of tha lyrics .but well if you are smarter than me i wish you all know what im felling right now..

but i don't want to fall down in same hole anymore ..but why i'm so happy to singing this songs? okay i'm traumatic but let my heart sayin 'let it roll'..
and i'm praying for not doin the wrong things again.
i hope.